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Animated Wins

mmmrhrmmmMEOWWWW.  ive been absent, my presence translucent and my mind in a herbal stupor. crestfallen from my shortcomings, i had to do something. The only remedy in site was … filling my mud brain with films.  I have a list of blog posts to write but am 2 fkin lzy* to write them, on my road to recovery these posts will unhinge from my  mind. I started my short weekend with a couple of films, my favorite the animated ones.

Princess and the Frog

This movie is typical disney flick but with a hint of cajun flava. HOHOHo “typical” the haters are thinking but when was the last time you seen a Disney animated film… fucking forever, thats right. The movie uses fairy tale concepts (princess and amphibian), if we dwell into these concepts the frog can be seen as a cock of freedom that the princess needs to pounce on to successfully conquer her ambitions. The movies local is NAWLANINS? new orleans, you know where Gambit is from… anyways it follows the story of a young poor working girl who’s only dream is to start a popin restaurant, shes saved up her whole life to do it and the TIME HAS COME butt… the heroes journey begins, with everything that could possibly go wrong happens and worse. The “worse” is this fucking bad man, or shadow man, i think of him as the bad man cause the voice of this character is the guy from Requiem for a Dream that says “asstoass” if you know what scene im referring to, you know why hes the bad man. I forgot to mention the prince, hes a dumbshit but incredibly funny with his charms. Like any disney movie we know shit goes bad, shit gets worse, shit goes uphill, i wouldn’t want to ruin any more of it, the story was short simple and not too complex, so ill stop discussing story. Each character matches their animated personas perfectly, the setting of new orleans was a great place to dwell,  the stereotypes of the area where proudly animated. There were two things i frowned on, one that they’re too many side characters, who try to be main characters but are not developed enough, 2nd from disney i expect great music, but the songs they sang where not very memorable, i cant even hum a beat from it, how sad is that. I thoroughly enjoyed each character, which is what made it for me, i was just sad i didn’t get to know them better. Though wonderful this movie was, it failed miserably at the box office, nowhere as successful as poca, beautybeast, rey de leon, kids just dont get all shit ridden over animated films like the use to, with a mere 100mil in a mini 10 weeks, this movie in the eyes of the Lords of Disney is a failure, so we wont be seeing much more of these films in the future, i ass ume.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

wallace and gromet can sucks mr fox glorious snout. Wes anderson does a spectacular job, if you know wes anderson then you will like this film, all his quirky awkward family dynamics are mashed into Road Dahls story that few have read. ?there something wrong with that sentence, and probably all my setences… but ok so yeah i dont think anyone can dislike this film, Its hilarious, its unique, the animation is superb, and let me say again fucking hilarious. They take the outline of Dahl’s story and jammed it with comedy. Mr Fox, who is fantastic, is a supreme thief, he retires due to his new born son, his fantastic skills are put back to use after a long hiatus, and thats when the trouble comes. He steals from the big white men, and they seek vengence.  his awesomeness is revealed over and over again, which is just awesome!#!@#!@!$!@! too much flatering, but i have to go back to work, just watch it and as the internet community would say Laugh out Loud.  the entire movie is like a how a child would imagine self beating up the bully and finding a big ole twix bar in his pocket, or any other amazing victory one could come up with. Win, watch it. Two concluding ending statements, live with it.

*be ready for a rating system.

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Where The Wild Things Are

Hello, WTWTA(film) is vastly different from the book. From what i recall of the book, a small boy named max, basically passes out and has a wild rumpus time with these monsters. The movie follows a similar plot but dwells into the loneliness of Max and his emotastic life. In the movie Max is your normal delinquent, a small child to a single mother whos pappy never loved him.  The first 15 minutes of the movie dive into this, basically all the reasons why Max acts out and all the mind numbing emotions of a small lonely child. Which to me is awesome, cause lil ole max in the movie reminded me of my own childhood. Chasing animals, imaginary friends, huge tantrums and picking fights. Spike Jonez uses this as a initial vector for Max’s adventure. After seeing his mom getting close to some stranger a scene that closely reminds me of American History X, except without the jew hating cursing, Max throws a huge shit and runs away  and appears into this new WORLD, where the monsters dwell. This new world can be seen as Max’s dream world, as Spike very blatantly shows maxs creations in real life in the Wild things world. After meeting all these new Monsters it becomes clear, that each monsters embodies a different trait of Max. Carol the angry beast, can be seen as Max own angry disposition for the world, when he is unhappy he starts wrecking shit. Alexander is max’s loneliness, out of the beast he is always ignored and made fun of, just like how Max is. Douglas a sensible beast, who embraces the wildness but understands that its all fake. These juxtapositions are rather obvious and boring, cause they dont lead anywhere. The Initial rumpus is hilarious and fun, but after 20 minutes of this shit its  unveiled that these creatures have tons of drama in there clan and arent just dumb beast but emotional destructive versions of max but in giant monster form. It just becomes a shitty sitcom of the drama amongst these beast, which is the least bit entertaining.  What is entertaining is the art direction and cinematography, costumes and structures are the shit  this movie, but that doesnt make up for the lack of story. Cause Max realizes that the Wild Thing’s lives are too complicated, so he just runs back home. So in the end hes just a small coward who keeps running from his problems, granted that he is a small child with a vivid imagination, it still doesnt make up for him running away from his own imaginary world.

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A quick tribute to Hugo Weaving

going through old dvds is such a bummer, they are basically worthless piece of plastic now compared to the infinity times better blu ray, they will soon join the dark void with cassette tapes, vh1, and the floppy disk. As i was sorting through this archaic mess i come across V for Vendetta, and who can be more lovely than the character V, and who can be more sexy than the actor Hugo Weaving. The first time i heard of this fella was in  film lit about a his role as a gayman in the film:

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

didnt really think much of it until he became:

Agent Smith: you pretty much fucked the shit out of neo for 3 movies, ruthless evil and bent on world domination (both of them), i dont blame you for the  last 1.5 movies being shitty

Elron the High Elf: umm good job being a pointy eared leader, your wise words should have defeated sauron way earlier but you were too busy being a eternal hermaphordite

V: lovely tongue twister freak, who fights the power

Megatron: sexy voice, had problems killing optimus, totally understandable, but still clutch enough with that throaty voice to dish out those cliche lines.

and apparently was Rex the old sheepdog in Babe.  His sweet ass and his large forehead culminate to a deep throated bad ass in some of the major hits of 2000s. so keep up the good work Hugo, you have a wonderful voice.

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Top 6 Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger Movies

after much getting fucked up this holiday I watched the age old arnold classic “Commando” which prompted to think about my favorite arnold movies. TOP 6 cause its 1 more than 5.

True Lies

ok, look theres motherfucking bill paxton “GAME OVER MAN GAME OVER”-Aliens , tia carrer(Relic Hunter) and a bunch of terrorist who get there shit pushed in by arnold. This movie is very simple Harry(arnold) is like a spy, and he stops the Crimson Jihad from nuking us, and during the whole time his wife jamie lee curtis gets no love from Harry, which leads up to a semi erotic scene with jamie lee curtis dancing but then you realize she use to have a weiner and thenthe scene turns sour, really sour. Too bad there wont be a second one cause james cameron says something along the lines “terrorism isnt funny anymore”  post 9/11

easily my favorite scene, my brothers favorite would be the Crimson Jihad death speech to all the nations, which is pretty good too.

Predator

“THE CIA GOT YOU PUSHING TO MANY PENCILS?” hunter alien wrecking shit in the jungle, pretty sweet concept. look i understand it sounds cheesy/stupid/homoerotic but let me make this clear you dont fuck with arnold, he smart, strong and covered in mud for a better half of this movie, so i dont remeber what my point is, all the characters in this movie are essentially bad ass like the Queen on a chess board, they all have distinct characteristics and different weapons, sounds like a FPS, and lets not forget Jesse ventura is in it. when i watched this as a child, i learned not to play with guns cause if i do aliens will come fight me, so i should only play with toy guns. K also very famous lines from this movie such as “GET TO DA CHOPPA” and “DILLON YOU SON OF A BITCH”

Eraser

I dont think allot of people watched this movie, well John “eraser” Kruger is a us marshall or some shit, and hes protecting this lady, and shes hot (vanessa williams), and some weapons coorperation is trying to kill her and John owns them with there own weapons at the end. these weapons are rail guns, they can see through walls and shit and fuck people up, at the end John wields two of them, duelies Akimbo and kills everyone, happy ending RIGHT. This movie was so great cause at the time a game called Quake came out, it was the first fps mulitplayer game online and since the very begining people began modding games, one mod was called ?____BLANK i forget but anyways they modded the guns from this movie into it and it became great fun dominating other people. my favorite part of this movie is when he fights a croc/aligator.

Terminator 2

umm theres really not much to say about this movie, i think everyone whose watched this must agree, this is a pretty fucking great movie. for those who dont know, john connor leader of resistance against the machines in future, sends back a terminator (reprogrammed robot *sorry excuse me cybernetic organism) back in time to save his skinny ass. robert patrick does a phenomenal job as the T-1000, a emotionless liquid goop killing machine. Probably some of the best action scenes in movie history.

Total Recall

movie about like how arnold is like leader of some resistance on mars with a bunch of memories and shit, read the wiki. This movie is on the list due to arnold face exploding in the first 5 minutes of the film, usually when people make fun of arnold is his natural ARGHHHhhhHhHUGUHHHHHGHHHhh voice, just watch. theres also allot of weird looking human shit in this movie, especially the fat lady suit, at the time some really good special effects.

Commando

Harry Matrix lives peacefully with his daughter in the mountains or some shit, some old enemy kidnaps his daughter, he gets her back really fast. I havent seen this movie until last week, so heres a brief review. For an action film during that time and caliber its good, lots of action, simple strong man who says very cliche one liners, what more can you ask for. As for those good one liners, heres my favorite. “your a funny guy sully…” . Also int he opening scene it looks like arnold gets cummed on cause his daughter smashes icecream in his face

So what have we learned here, arnold likes being called harry in movies, and kindergarten cop should have made the list but i was too lazy. arnold is great.

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Weiss discusses Wales

Just wanted to link to this excellent write-up on Passion of the Weiss about Wale’s debut album — it’s good enough that, even though I haven’t heard the CD, the conclusions are worth thinking about. Puts label pressure, mainstream pressure, artistic freedom and all that jazz into an analysis of Attention Deficit. Check it.

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Movie MEGA post

Next Day Air

What can i say, anything with mos def in it is Gold, just kidding, this movie is just ok, its just like a black shortened version of Snatch. Id say most of you never even heard about this movie, but its got a pretty star studded cast; you got Julius from remeber the titans, you got dude from scrubs, some hot latina girl shes not famous but id just like to point out that shes foine, and of course you got mike epps who seems to be in every black comedy, and dont forget the evil mexican guy but who knows his name? noone.  watch this if you are bored out of your mind and need some visual stimuli, it wont blow you away it wont actually do anything to your thought, your mind equilibrium will be at the same place you left it when you pressed play. What is cool about this movie is that the one dude who you… oh wait THE OLDER BROTHER FROM FAMILY MATTERS IS IN THE MOVIE, ok anyways the one dude who you want to live, lives, this semi good looking charming 50 cent kevlar wearing dude lives, YAY, but the dumb fuck stoner dude who is weak and pathetic also lives, so basically you have to live with that at the end of the movie.  whatever.

Monsters Vs Aliens

I could find no worthy alternate movie posters, cause i like putting up alternate movie posters.

So after Bee Movie and fucking terribad piece of shit cunt rag Kung Fu Panda, i really didnt want to watch anymore fucking animated movies, you know before movies like Toy Story and  Shrek were animated masterpieces, they were like 16th chapel kind of spunk, 10 years in the making kind of work. Now they fucking pop em out like a case of day after munchies crapathon there is no gold standard anymore, the market is just overfilled with these shitty animated films now. But for some reason out of nothing to watch i watched Monsters vs Aliens, when im skeptical about a movie i do a brief skim of the movie on my computer you know just like take a peeky weeky at some scenes, like when you got to a beach yaddamean. So i came upon this scene.

Beverly Hills cop anyone? who doesnt like axel foley mang, come the fuck on, thats a great fucking scene, so i watched it and i was very pleased and very amused during the whole time, with little giggles and monstrous chuckles. Its a good flick, young old, watch it. The famous people they had doing voice overs, actually played a role not like that fucking retarded kung fu fat fucking bear movie. The story was simple, the battles were epic, and the story is played close to home.  Fucking Jack Bauer is in it, enough said, just kidding that usually wouldnt be a winning point, the movie is good, watch it.

there was a 30 min halloween special, not that good, but the movie is good.

fuck watched allot of movies, oh yeah i went into like Zombie mode and wanted a good fucking zombie movie, but yeah

Diary of the Dead

I just dumped a harvester in the toilet and it smells awfully dead. So, you know im a pretty big skeptic of Romero, you know the zombie father, the one who started the Zombie panic in the film industry, dude whatever, hes like Grandmaster Flash, starters of something great, but truthfully really stink at what they do, dont get me wrong mad respect, just they dont got the skills to make what they started into something retained and beautiful. So Romero got into a binge of making kind of like a new “dead’ series from what i can see and from what minimal information the wiki says on him, so hes made a couple of new films, and from my site the one i dl my movies from this one had the most dl, suggesting its probalby the best one or the most sought/watched one. I watched it, thought it wasnt bad, HEY MAN ROMEROs finally caught up to the standard. oh how wrong was i. but this movie was good, the one i watched after was  a shit show. Romero likes to do allot of things with society, he kinda of does this whole naration this sarah conner experience, and it eludes to this media socialism, which fucks everyone during the rise of the dead. This panic with the media, is all this shit fake or real, if the media did a big practical joke and sent this shit out through all outlets, would it be chaos, or just a big laugh. Its humorous, its got some good explanations, and a bunch of god references, overeall its enjoyable. The camera work is done in a pretty crafty way, though its clear that the film was lacking a budget. It got me thinking a little, it had some Zombie survival guide moments which is always a plus, but overall its the best  on the market right now like in Requiem when they try to get the drugs cause thats all thats on the market, pysche Zombieland trumps this, but to me not by much.

Day of the Dead


with such a cool poster, you think theyd have a good movie, but fuck no. I looked at the stats you know like oh its got Ving Rhames oh its got Mena naked chick from American Beauty(btw thats a fucking weird name Mena Suvari). Fucking Ving he did great in Dawn of the Dead, which to me is the best of the best of all zombie movies, what can i say Zack Snyder is a beast man, he had all the right elements. man train of thought done, i m not going to spend any time on this movie, it fucking sucked, fucking nick cannon is in it, the only redeeming role hes ever had was in Chappelle show, fuck this movie, i can almost finish every movie i watch, not this one, its fucking shit.

Thirst

Park Chan-Wook, this korean director is quite the olympian amongst movie standards, this is his second film to get one of the top awards at the Cannes film festival, you may have heard of his other film Old Boy. In my opinion i was kind of turned of watching the rest of the movies in his vegence series, i really thought this dude just puts some really fucking brutal shit in his movies that is hard to watch, and he does it in a sexually pent up way. But seeing as how “the weird” was in this movie, i said hey why not. This movie is about vampires, vampires are pretty cool, Park’s movie heavily dwell in the psyche of the main characters mind, his emotions are dealt with his actions. SO man becomes vampires, man use to be priest, man still wants to be priest but has conflict of interest due to his new fucked up thirst, which comes with some awesome powers. This movie is very violent, gruesome at points, there is tons of pent up sexual tension, cause HES A PRIEST AND ALL YOU KNOW, and is littered with funny parts that go along with this sexual tension, as cvax would say the “asian formula” for movies, at one point i was like this movie is going to shit, but at the end it balanced it self out like a roller coaster. This is also the first korean movie that has shown full frontal male nudity, so for all those out there wanting some good cockshot, watch it. I enjoyed certain scenes of this movie, there are some points where im like why, i dont know why this scene is in here, i really enjoyed how like i said early the movies dives into the main characters mind and you struggle with him, especially with a dead dude soaked in water, who appears during sex. HAHAHAHAHHAHA, but yes the movie is in eyeopener with the gruesome scenes, but hey thats what makes it fun. its different from your typical hollyamerican forum, watch it if you want something different, and watch it cause vampires are pretty sweet.

Julie&Julia

so what can i say meryl streep does a fucking excellent job per usual, as for amy adams shes just doesnt look hot in this movie what the fuck, i guess i kind of missed the whole point of this movie. Its a chick flick i would say, it goes into the two lives of these two women, its done kind of bad, like it does a pretty good like back and forth between the two  in the beginning then you kinda jump into a well with one for like 15 minutes and you totally forget the other characters. the worst part was the ending cause your like ughh “so she got owned” then you do a little research into the actual julie character and you find out this bitch is like typhoid. the whole time your like oh julie is a huge pathetic loser, and you go oh hey Julia Child is a great fucking person, shes awesome. julia child’s is awesome, PBS THAT SHIT, her antics are mimicked extremely well. anyways yeah the movie goes on this journey of failure for one character, and fucking ballerhood with the other. The trailer makes it look good, but the overall movie is just ok, mostly just seeing meryl tear that shit up.

Moon

not new moon, for all those twilight fuck heads. i was skeptic, cause sam rockwell just looks like a schmuck, which really has nothing to do with a movie, but comeon he looks dirty. so this movie is kinda of like space odyssey but not extremely boring and stupid. this movie is pretty rad, but may get slow, so do what i did sleep at 8 wake up at 11 30 watchc this movie till 4am, itll be good then, but yes this movie is enjoyable, its got a pretty big twist dished out in the middle, which creates a mind fuck storm. but yeah watch it. im done writing for now

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Astro boy

dude what the fuck is this bullshit. I personally have not seen any of the astro boy  and after this movie i will never watch anything a-boy, i expected something pretty awesome from the guys who did TMNT *cg version but.. very disapointed. ill talk about the good things first and there is only one, the art direction was cool, the cg was splendid, thats it, a couple million in production cost can do this. Story was absolute shit, here let me ruin some of it for you, this happened in the first like 10 min. OMG MY SON DIED, IM GOING TO BUILD A ROBOT VERSION OF HIM, *2 minutes after, FUCK HES NOT MY SON… well maybe you should have spent more time and thought before building a cyborg of your dead son.  the a-boy basically runs away cause daddy doesnt love him, then finds himself on the surface, the whole floating city thing didnt make a lickdick bit of sense either. just dont watch this movie, its garbage, and nick cage does the voice of daddy.

the sketch art is cool, not the movie

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